Damn and blast

I missed my deadline again. So a quicky to keep in the pattern.

This year is when I start really stepping up to the plate and put everything in to action. And I'm not afraid to say this is scary. The reason it's scary is not because of having to do things I don't like- for example, holding court and being the centre of attention- it's because this is important to me. This stuff is brilliant, I repeatedly say how great a hobby this is. I want to add to the collective knowledge rather than harm it.

Everything is pretty new, or at least entirely based upon my own understanding. Moving from explaining my understanding with a bunch of good fighters to becoming an "authority" to random interested people this is a big step, at least as far as I'm concerned. I've worked bloody hard to know this, but thanks to... stuff... I've not been able to test my ideas and face questions. The reasons I want to succeed go much further than the fact I don't want to get stabbed in the face. Hell, if I do this properly, I'll be training up people to be miles better than I am.

I know I need to be challenged to get these things down properly. I need to hear and try to answer the questions that probably haven't crossed my mind... or ones that I've forgotten.

The thing that I'm really aware of is that I've used a lot of people's understanding and hard work to get to where I am at the moment and if I can do this properly- it will make them look even better.

So, in a way, I owe it to them to kick arse. To every person who has run a lesson I have taken or have watched, everyone who has bent over some arcane book and tried to translate it. To the people who have scanned in and uploaded vast quantities of manuals.

And I'm fully aware that the only way to know that I'm doing this properly is by taking people to one side and painstakingly explaining exactly how to stab me in the face.