This blog was started due to the joy I found in HEMA, the people I respect and how positivity should be looked for well above politics and infighting and so on.
The hobby has sustained me through bad times, I have met great people, become a better person both physically and mentally. I wouldn't be in the position I am if I didn't see my volunteering as giving something back. And all of that is an aside to the fact that sword fighting is pretty damn cool.
This is an unpleasant time for me and my relationship with the hobby. Part of it is that my personal feelings about stuff, I have taken a massive step into the unknown because of things that I would rather have prevented. It's rushed because the guys come first and the defining weekend of my HEMA experience is almost upon us. I wouldn't be half as enthusiastic if it wasn't for that terrifying weekend at the gunpowder mills. Being prodded into a rapier contest just to make up the numbers.. being the first time I actually used steel. Yes, these were the days of the ubershinai and when hanwei practicals were the best we could get.
If it was 'just me' I would have faded away, given up my spot on Danelli's waiting list and probably just stuck to cutting practice and occasionally scrawling notes in the margins of book while feeling resentful.
Fortunately, it is a lot more than just me. It's those who introduced me to the wider hobby. Those I have met through this hobby. Those who have a learnt a mutual language through the sword. I have to remind myself of those people. Those who look up to me and respect my opinions or at least have a good point (metaphorically or literally).
So, what happens next? Not a fucking clue. I shall, as ever, carry on looking at and for the opinions of people I respect. I will argue, pick up swords and discuss things that way. With nothing to prove, nothing to lose and everything to gain.
It is important to me that this fightcamp is phoenix-like rather than shoegazing and blame. Still not quite sure what direction this will take, but it will be a better one.
I am not happy with what has been thrown at me. But this is not a full stop.
It is a stop thrust.
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